The Dark Side Is The Best Sauce

GOODBYE IS LIKE FOREVER

Mon, 24 Oct 2005 03:16:51 GMT

As the big blockbusters of summer gently give way to the quiet lull of fall features in preparation for the onslaught of last minute Oscar contenders in the holiday season, a little person in a chair wonders if it isn’t time for certain comic about a certain summer picture, to bow out with the grace of cinematic seasons.
- For, the times have changed a bit. That same person went from working at a computer 8 hours a day to being away from home upwards of 13 hours at a time. Oh, this was supposed to be such a gentle ease, I could kick life for taking me out of commission before sharing this! - The times change, always have- but when they do, sometimes it is better to succinctly kiss something good night and let it go than it is to let it linger and wither and grow tired. –It’s time for us all to find bigger and better things! It’s a great big galaxy out there.

I don’t think I could ever express the complete and utter gratitude I have for all the readers who have come here. – For commenting and telling me your stories, for lending gifts to this journal, for emailing me. Thank you so, so much. Never in a hundred billion years did I think people would enjoy this place so much, but I am so happy they did. It has been an absolute thrill and delight for me the entire time.

These comics will never go anywhere, you might always find them here. Likewise, you are free to keep this place friended- for who knows? Jedis have been known to return in the past and to be honest, I like clicking through though the links here and thinking, “So many!” still. My email will also, always be open for anyone who would like to write me. I will always be around.

I should like very much at this time, to give some gifts to you, dear readers. First, for all those who asked for clothing- it’s not much! – But perhaps it will serve your livejournal or webpage. Then, for all those who wanted me to feature their own comic. I’m sorry I couldn’t do it here, but perhaps this place will be good starting point for you instead.

Again, thank you all. Special thanks to those on my FAQ page: The Darth Posse, those who bought me livejournal accounts and domain names, those who named kittens and made fanlistings or icons or communities, who wrote articles, who translated- everyone. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

And as a last thought, before I go and read through the comments of the last entry, I just wanted to say, remember- if there was still good in ol’ Darth Vader at the end, there must be so much good in all of us right now. So, as another celebrity from a different galaxy far, far away once said: Be Good.

♥ breathe.

SON OF THE IMPERIAL MARCH

Wed, 28 Sep 2005 03:19:23 GMT

And in that moment, Luke became a man.

REAL LOVE

Wed, 21 Sep 2005 09:58:25 GMT

Watching those two, their smiling eyes, their beaming faces - and suddenly all of Darth’s parental alarms went silent. Gone was the terror and defense. Gone was the burning desire to crush Han’s breathing tubes via The Force. Over.
And over.
And over.
In slow motion.

Leia was in love! His only daughter, love… how could he have missed it?

ROSEBUD

Thu, 15 Sep 2005 06:39:18 GMT

Meanwhile, in his rustic hunting lodge, just past the Hoth Ski Resort, Darth sipped his hot chocolate and stared at the empty spot on the wall where frozen Han Solo usually hung. He chuckled to himself. Sometimes it was so great being a Dark Lord.

JEDI AFTERLIFE

Tue, 13 Sep 2005 04:56:16 GMT

“Was blue standard?” Darth thought to himself. He had secretly hoped it would be like lightsabers when you died, as in, you got to choose your favourite colour if you made a point to ask for such. Otherwise blue would be such a shame to spend your afterlife wearing, he had always been rather partial to pink. Ma (after)vie en rose, as it were.

DARTH'S INNER CHILD

Fri, 09 Sep 2005 06:44:43 GMT

Darth like, many of us, longed to return to a time of innocence. He never really had a childhood after all. His youth and young adulthood were marked with mass murder, power struggles and knocking up senators. It really wasn’t until now, as a middle-aged dark lord, he ever had a chance to discover the wonder in the simple things of life.

THE FORCE WITHIN

Thu, 08 Sep 2005 07:24:14 GMT

The sad thing was, this was the third time today Luke had run into that wall.

TODAY'S SPECIAL

Wed, 07 Sep 2005 03:07:32 GMT

This was the precise reason the Medical Bots always kept a bottle of ketchup in the morgue.

BOBA SITTER

Fri, 02 Sep 2005 07:48:54 GMT

Boba Fett was a mediocre bounty hunter at best, but he was a wicked awesome babysitter. The kids loved him because he let them stay up late, watch scary movies and knock off Stormies with blasters. Darth loved him because Boba never called his girlfriend while on the job and even did the dishes.

I am back, a bit. Things are very crazy. Thank you guys for staying with me while my life goes topsy-turvy! My schedule has exploded, but I wanted to bop in while I had a chance and computer access to say hello.

Also, just a brief mention of condolences to all those affected by Hurricane Katrina. No words can really offer anything to ease feelings of such devastation. Just know others are thinking of you and may some sort stability and peace come swift.

MEDICAL TRAINING

Wed, 24 Aug 2005 04:34:34 GMT

Meanwhile on the other side of the galaxy, another medical bot was surprised to find his patient carrying twins. They can build a Deathstar, they just don’t know what ultrasound is.
Anyhow in case you were wondering how Anakin went from hotsy-totsy to omgwhatisit: The DocBots who treated Anakin were trained at the same medical school as Padme’s NurseBots, aka the one which teaches you how to cover raw sizzling flesh with plastic, or deliver babies into an icecream cone or, basically, how to not use any medical common sense at all.

Hey guys, a heads up. I’m going to be a little M.I.A. for the next few days. Kind of being slammed from all sides, moving and changing up my internet services. There were some great link-shares in the last comment batch, so keep up the fun! I can’t wait to read what everyone has to say.

And in case I don’t see ya: good afternoon, good evening and goodnight.

Much ♥

PARENT TEACHER CONFERENCE

Tue, 23 Aug 2005 02:10:20 GMT

Darth was horrified to find out Leia had never attended a Force class. Ever. All those late-night runs to the Jedi Temple to study? The times she borrowed his own lightsaber for practice? Lies.
Darth just prayed her senate lessons were legit and tried to not imagine what she was doing with a lightsaber so he could keep his cool and finish off the conference in peace.

The concept of this comic was suggested by a lovely little person in the comics last post. It made me laugh, thank you very much!

US MAGAZINE

Sat, 20 Aug 2005 02:44:13 GMT

The Padakin story was the biggest money-making scoop for celebrity tabloids everywhere (see here), that is, until the Bradgelina sith hit the fan.

JOB SECURITY

Fri, 19 Aug 2005 05:45:07 GMT

Darth noticed ever since his promotion to Sith Lord, he had become funnier. Suddenly, every joke he said was a hit- especially with the Stormies. He figured it had something to do with confidence: he was more relaxed now, secure. The Stormies, they figured it had something to do with them not wanting to be Force Choked.

HOME AGAIN

Thu, 18 Aug 2005 03:57:12 GMT

Leia wanted to say, “When you practically murdered my mom,” but she always felt so bad when she made her father cry.

Sometimes the hardest part of growing up is learning you can’t go on the kiddy rides anymore, but the “birds and the bees” lesson is a close second. Judging from how hard Luke took The Talk, Darth shuddered to think of the trauma his son would suffer when he was told he couldn’t ride the magic pony on the carousel in the park any longer.

And on that note, everyone is back for a bit! Thank you for the comments, I read them all, but was hardly able to reply due to the sheer volume of the backlog. Thank you for the links and recs and all else. Also, if you are looking for a fine time, I highly, highly recommend page 18 of the last post.

Good. Times.

GONE FISHIN'

Fri, 12 Aug 2005 03:56:46 GMT

Darth was vexed. This was so difficult. Kill a youngling? Sure. Rule a galactic empire? Sure. Groom a cat? Sure! These were things he could do, but tell his son about the facts of life? No. Emphatically no. How was one to begin? “Son. there comes a time in every young man's life when he begins to feel a strange disturbance in the lower side of his Force.”
Maybe he would just recycle the midichlorian garbage he was fed. It was so much less embarrassing.

Meanwhile back on The Deathstar, Leia flourished under the watchful eye of her well-meaning, though slightly senile Uncle Palpatine.

So it is! Darth goes on a trip and so too do I, though I swear I will bee arr bee very soon. If you get bored, feel free to draw little Darth pictures or something and share in the comments so everyone may keep on chatting.
And so it goes- until I return, fare thee well good people!

Oh, and this comic set goes out to jigglykat and loweryourwand, who have taught me so much about midichlorians. ♥

TEMPER TEMPER

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 02:06:34 GMT

Of course before C3PO could put anything into practice, Chewie had to explain to maintain his scruffy look, Han actually only bathed twice a year and his next one wasn’t for another 4 months yet.

Meanwhile, delighted Leia had finally invited her brother to tag along with her friends and the droids, Darth spent a quiet evening at home in his slippers eBaying for vintage shoes.

HE AIN'T HEAVY

Wed, 10 Aug 2005 01:11:31 GMT

Anakin didn’t know which hurt worse: being abandoned by the one true friend of his life or the fact his arm had just snapped off like an overdone fishstick.

Also about a trazillion hundred years ago someone in the comments asked: “When will we see a Skywalker family portrait?”
I can’t remember who asked, but to that dear person, the answer is: today. I hope you like!

SLEEPING ON THE JOB

Sat, 06 Aug 2005 04:16:36 GMT

Having a full-face mask and automated breathing system certainly had its advantages: you could make faces while talking to someone annoying, could prank call sorority girls and ventriloquism was never easier. Best of all though, you could nod off during boring quarterly result meetings without repercussion, that is, unless you were caught.

PADME'S CHOICE

Fri, 05 Aug 2005 01:15:04 GMT

Padme, like every girl, knew it was practically impossible to find a man who was young, hot and good father material. She had to work with what she had: young, hot and psychopathic. Besides, her biological clock was ticking. She didn’t really care who provided the fiery seed, she just wanted a baby. Real bad.
She figured two out of three was good enough. The most important thing was Anakin was hot. And young.

PLAY BALL

Thu, 04 Aug 2005 02:39:31 GMT

Of course by “bat,” Darth meant, “lightsaber” and by “another game,” he meant, “dismember and make into mince meat.” Luke, however, caught none of these subtleties and took off running looking for his Wiffle bat and a box of Crackerjacks.

PEER PRESSURE

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 00:17:30 GMT

No amount of paste could help Dooku now. If only Anakin had had a little more courage and self-confidence, he wouldn’t have fallen victim to peer pressure. He could have looked the chancellor in the eye and said, “No thank you. I don’t want to.”

Remember kids, if one of your friends wants you to decapitate one of your handless, geriatric captives and you don’t want to: just say no.

Though, truth be told, this act of Anakin’s was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

LEIA'S GREAT MEMORY

Sat, 30 Jul 2005 04:59:46 GMT

Leia actually couldn’t remember anything about Padme. She had tried to piece together her mother’s history by studying newspaper clippings, television programs and old containers of food found in the icebox and she figured she was pretty spot on, give or take a few details but mostly, she just liked to imagine what her mother was like.

This is little comic is for Darth Posse member air_and_angels because she helps me so when I must IHD brainstorm.

Also for everyone- a deleted scene, a high tech icon!

LOOKING BACK

Fri, 29 Jul 2005 01:00:51 GMT

Even looking back Obi Wan couldn’t see how it happened, how Anakin was lost to the Dark Side; but sometimes life is like that. Sometimes there are no red flags or warning signs. Sometimes things just happen out of the blue and you’re caught off guard when your favourite padawan becomes the intergalactic version of Vlad the Impaler.

I thought today I might share a few awesome IHD links:

BREATHE The I Harth Darth Fanlisting.
So amazing, I can’t believe it. Also, I can’t tell you how much the name “Felix” tickles me. Created by treno. Thank you!

Lichter German E-article.
Oh, mein Gott! A few weeks ago I was written asking for a few interview questions for this e-zine; now here’s the article. It’s in German, which I don’t speak so if it says I believe in ripping out the hearts of baby seals, it’s probably a lie. Still, I thought it would be fun to share and you can see their magazine.

IHD.ru Russian.
Because I don’t speak Russian… here are the comics translated by la_bond_girl!

Last post there were so many amazing comments- a record number I think! So many kind words. I spent two hours reading them all the first night. Thank you everyone so much for visiting here and writing.

PADME'S ROLE

Wed, 27 Jul 2005 02:47:49 GMT

Back in her youth, Padme had been reckless: wild hairstyles, illicit passionate affairs, giant alien rumbles which left her clothes torn in the most provocative of ways. – But now that there was a baby on the way, she was a different woman. She preferred staring out windows to politics and action sequences now.

And that was what made her such a deep and complicated figure to all those who knew her.

Hey guys. I guess the time has come for me to address the first comment phenomenon.

First, I think I am the one who created the monster, as way back a while ago I said I would at very least reply to every comment on the first page because it usually comes up while I am still at the computer. I don’t know if this promise of mine sparked the competition, but if it has, I will stop the bias.

Second, the content of comments. I don’t mind comments of “OMG!” or “SQUEE!” or “XDDDD” or “first?” at all and likewise I absolutely ADORE more detailed comments. This journal was never created to be a serious place and I just enjoy seeing people have fun, whether or not a person chooses to express their exuberance with one l337 phrase or a whole paragraph, is up to them and as long as their comments are positive and or constructive I have no problem with them and I don’t feel the need to delete or freeze such things.

I don’t even really mind, “COMMENT” for usually the person comes back and says something more, but it is quite boring when you get 5 only “COMMENT” comments in a row just as such doesn’t really express anything and how many times can you respond to the same word? Just keep in mind, if you had a journal entry and people only wrote “COMMENT” in return to you 20 times in a row, what might you think?

What I don’t like is bickering in the comments. Please don’t do it. This isn’t the place. Each to his own, let one person squee as they might. If I see something I disapprove of, I will take care of it. Thank you everyone for looking out for the journal, but no worries.

For the record, things I disapprove of: anonymous flames (use your name if you have something to say) and advertising (it’s spam).

Remember always, always, this place is for FUN. If you want to “OMG!” or “Wee, first!” or tell a nice little story, I don’t mind at all. I love hearing from everyone having a good time. I think I will be sad the day no one cares again about commenting. Remember the readers here are what makes these comics anything of interest.

Note: sometimes questions get lost in the comments- if you feel I haven’t replied to you in forever long, there is also always the email listed in the FAQ.

Thanks so much! Sorry to go on and on, I can just see tensions mounting and want no one to become upset.

Now, everyone let’s have a good time!

WOOKIEE ENTENDRE

Sat, 23 Jul 2005 06:25:24 GMT

The truth was Chewie did bite, but only on Wookiee snacks or at his hip when it so itched and the occasional annoying child at the supermarket.